Two and a half failed relationships and now I'm 23. You know what made me stop the constant search for stability and distraction? Doctor Who. I remember the first episode of NewWho in 2005. I remember my mother dragging me out every Monday night to watch the weekly episodes as they released. I remember falling in love with Eccleston, the genuine grief I felt at his loss. I remember the tears at it all. I won't rehash, because you know-- spoilers. Doctor Who was the program that taught me what love was, what a good life should look like and the nuance in which we approach and run from our pain and our joy. There's so much media that influenced who I am and what I want, but none moreso than Doctor Who. It taught me that not only was intelligence something that could make the people in your life proud, but it was desirable, admirable. It taught me strength in kindness, and self-indulgence. I wanted a love like Rose, like Rory, I wanted a friend like Donna, like Amy. I needed t
I read my blog sometimes. When I forget. I forget a lot these days. I’ve forgotten more than I’ve learnt, I’m sure. My grandmother used to tell me stories of her life and at some point during the seven years I lived with her, she began to repeat them. I saw on Facebook once this dumb story about a wolf and a father. Something about him repeating stories to his son, and when his son complained he said I washed you, clothed you, listened to you say the same things again and again as a child and you can’t listen to this? I used to think about that a lot. I would tell myself to be patient, but I would still snap and tell my grandmother, ‘I know’. Eventually she’d say, ‘well, you know everything, don’t you?’. It would make me so angry, and I couldn’t fathom why. I think now it’s because she was calling me out on my lack of patience, and I didn’t like it. Of course, when you lose someone all you want is more time. More time to know, and to ask questions and to hear the same stories aga