I Love You
This blog represents a yearning for connection and curiosity. There is a contradiction within me, a deep desire for that connection but a repeated pattern of reaching for it from those that cannot meet those desires. This is not the separation from personal responsibility, but an acknowledgement of a pattern. For context, my personal relationships have changed recently, and in a way I'm proud of the depth of pain I feel. The first friend that I truly loved that I lost; I couldn't engage with that emotion without a buffer of anger. When she reached out to reconnect I couldn't resolve my anger because I'd processed nothing, just stagnated in my hurt. I had reached a point where I no longer forgave. It's a good defense mechanism, and my life and relationships had been spaces of unconditional forgiveness, regardless of the cruelty I experienced. Like a swinging pendulum, I'd gone from one extreme to another. As I'm aging I feel closer to balance. I hope and see...