Breathe

Long time no see my non-existant followers. I thought I’d deleted this blog. Reading back through some of my previous posts, I wish I had. But, certain sentences remind me of some fun memories. It’s good it’s not completely gone, even if the content is subpar. I plan on reviving this. Slowly. We’ll see how we go. For now, I'll just hide all my previous posts under drafts until I lose all shame and post them again.

               

                For years, I had this cocky feeling that I was smarter than most people. I’m not. I was sick for a year, my grades went down. Failed a class. It was good for me. I needed that slap in the face. Have you ever felt that? That you’re flying too high, and you need someone to cut you down every once in a while?

          I recently joined Anilist. Let’s talk about that. Originally, I planned on joining MyAnimeList. But, I like Anilist. It’s pretty. So, like a raven to a sparkly stone, here I am. Anime was always a part of my life and so was Japanese culture. My Mother, for all her failings, always did her best to expose my brother and I to a variety of cultures. There were a lot of spontaneous adventures when I was younger. Mostly to book stores, but occasionally to restaurants and theaters and museums and circuses and beaches. It was always important to her for us to be culturally informed. It was like it was an embarrassment not to be. I went to visit to her the other day before mid-year exams. I had my French homework in my bag and I asked her to help me review. Her pronunciation was good, but when she stumbled over the words she was embarrassed. She had nothing to be embarrassed about, but her expression was pure shame.

                Back to anime. I’m not sure what my first introduction to it was. Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon were always there when I turned on the television. Astroboy was always jumping around on screen. My Mum was shoving Hayao Miyazaki down my throat, in between Dawson’s Creek and 90s American comics. Interesting combination, ay? She had this fixation on exposing us not only to different cultures, but the things from her childhood that she enjoyed, as if she was trying to relive everything through us. I watched this movie with my Father’s landlord’s son and my brother at five years old. All I remember from it was a girl was raped until she exploded. That certainly wasn’t my first anime, but it left a pretty unsettling feeling in my stomach.

                I remember my first manga, well english language manga. Dramacon. I loved it. I bounced around a bit after that. I read Fruits Basket and Vampire Knight and what not. All the childlike ones that were shown on ABC (Australian Broadcast Corporation) as anime. If an anime I was watching was cut I’d find the rest of the manga if I could and read it. Even if it was terrible. I always felt like I couldn’t pass judgment on something unless I’d finished it in its entirety. Otherwise, it was like I was judging a scrap of a painting, or the first few seconds of a song. Even when I complete an anime, I struggle on passing judgment. Now I separate everything into lists based on my lasting impression. Currently, my lists aren’t very detailed, but they’ll get there. 

This is Dramacon by the way. The art style is actually rather pretty. I definitely recommend checking it out.  

         There has been a definite regression as I approach 18. I’ve been rewatching and rereading things from my childhood. I rewatched Avatar: The Last Airbender, and all the Ghibli movies I could find. I tried to watch Korra, as I’d never heard of it until I completed this recent rewatch of Avatar. I got through three episodes. There was this overarching feeling of sadness. All I could think about was what Avatar was, and what Korra isn’t. I can’t say its terrible though, as I never completed it. Even though they’re Americanized anime, or whatever you call it, it represents my attitude to rating anime as a whole. If I haven’t completed it, it doesn’t go on a list. I refuse to keep track of dropped anime. In my mind, it classes as feedback to drop something. It implies that you didn’t engage with the material, or it simply wasn’t good enough, when that’s not always the case. As I’ve already stated before, I don’t feel like I’m in a position to give that feedback if I haven’t seen it in its entirety. If anyone is reading this, I’d love to know what you think. Do you feel as if your judgement holds power? If so, do you cast votes or review anime and manga or anything else for that matter with that in mind? Or, is it simply a personal tracking system for you, so you know what you like and don’t like? Or. Dun. Dun. Dun. Am I overthinking this?

Well, that’s all for today. I plan on updating my blog weekly.

Maybe I’ll see you next week.

Bye.